Days of the Dead

Two years ago on Day of the Dead I had been asked the day of to come and be the MC for the bands from sundown to the end. I had done stage managing in years past, so introducing each band would be no problem.

That morning I took my mother to the hospital because she was having trouble breathing. It was the beginning of her final fight with cancer.


My dad was out of town and she called me telling me she wasn't feeling well. I asked if she wanted to go to the doctor. She said "Yes." Leaving BH to pick her up was a long ride. My mind wandered to possibilities I wasn't ready for. At the hospital she checked out 'fine.' but they wanted to keep her overnight for observation. She told me to go and do what I had to do.
(all images from DoD 2010)
I will never forget the fear and loneliness I carried that beautiful Sunday afternoon. I had planned on resting most of the day then going to pick up my gf in the valley and back to the Eastside for my 5 p.m. call time at SGH. I told my gf I couldn't pick her up because of my mom.


Getting to SHG was a blur. I don't remember parking or most of the bands. I know I interviewed each of them before they went on to give out info. during their intro. I wanted to keep my head in the work and not back to mom. My gf showed up with her two friends and that was great, and hard. It was good that she was there to support me, but also hard cuz I just wanted to just break down on her. Keep it together, keep it together.

It was the Sunday night before the election of Obama and people were excited about voting and hope. I would mention the election, to make sure to vote, and the crowd would erupt. It got me excited and took my mind far from mom. I had this high before and it sucks cuz you can be on stage and all this great energy is there, but then you have to go home all alone and don't know what to do. I knew it was going to be a long night. My gf left with her friends after a long good bye, telling me that all would be ok. Fortunately she surprised me by getting dropped off at my place and she was there for me when I got home. The next day we were able to go to the hospital together to get my mom and learn about the upcoming battle.

Within that year Obama would become Prez and hope would be lost on him and my mom passed in August.

Day of the Dead 09 was the third month anniversary of her passing. I went to the site where I scattered her ashes before going to be the MC for that year's SHG event. I was still in deep mourning. I fluctuated between relief for her passing and end of suffering, crying, numbness, heartbreak, loss, fear, anger etc and so forth. It was a lot. My gf and I had broken up a month or two before my mom passed, so I was dealing with this all by myself. I kept busy with work, and being asked to co-host the DoD event with Lalo Alcaraz helped to keep my mind busy during the first day of the dead without mom.

It was the first year SHG did DoD at the East LA civic. It was an awesome show. Eight thousand people came. I rented a mariachi suit and had my face painted. People took my picture anytime I left the backstage area. It was a long evening. By the time I was done around 11:30 p.m. my feet were killing me. The boots I wore were super pointy. I came home showered and just knocked out from exhaustion. I woke up in the middle of the night feeling not alone. I felt my mom's presence and fell back to sleep.

I didn't do an altar for my mom that year, nor this year. Last year, it was just three months since she passed and I was told that she was going to be near me for about a year checking in and also checking out Mictlan, getting her bearings. I did feel her around me a lot. When I needed to make decisions I could hear her voice telling me what to do. When I would get scared or lonely I would hear a noise and snap out of it, knowing it was her. This year I didn't do an altar for her because she didn't believe or practice such things.

My mom's mom, my grandma, Nana, passed five years ago. She lived in the same house as my parents. I would often ask my mom if she felt her mom near, and she would say "Always. Sometimes I can even hear her upstairs walking around." Both of them, my mom and grandma, were hard core Catholics. Church every Sunday until they were too sick to go anymore. They didn't do altars in the house or the cemetery, and hardly went to visit graves. They did believe and I helped them bless their house by dipping yerba buena in holy water, praying and sprinkling the corners of each room, but this Day of the Dead thing was me, from what I learned at SHG and school.


So I felt a little weird about doing an altar for my mom when she didn't practice it. My gf mentioned building an altar for our loved ones, but we never got around to it. It was a small relief. As is, I have a place where I keep my sacreds. Power stones, sage, cedar, candles, etc. I didn't know if we were just going to add some pics to this or build something entirely new. She left out of the country just before DoD this year. I would be doing another DoD alone.

The first night she was gone, I heard a lot of different noises in the house. I walked around checking windows and doors. We had gone to see "Paranormal Activity 2" a couple days before she left, so that was in the back of mind somewhat. We saw it at the Highland Theater for $3 with a bunch of young rocker types who talked and laughed through most of the movie, making it seem like a pretty lame 'horror' movie. Nonetheless here I was alone at home during the time of the year when the veil between the living and the dead is thinnest. I poured out a shot of my good Cuban rum and put it where I keep my sacreds. The noises stopped and all was calm. A couple of days back I cooked for myself and made a taco that I placed next to the shot glass for any visitors. Maybe I'm on my way to making a proper altar.

This year SHG had Felipe Esparza, winner of the Last Comic Standing on NBC, a local BH homeboy that is getting his 15 minutes - to be the host of DoD. I was helping him and the bands backstage. It was another great show. I came home around midnight with that high. Sat down to calm my mind down, played some video game and before I knew it was 2 a.m. on a work night.

This year I didn't even have time to visit where I scattered my mom's ashes. I will go in the next couple of days. My dad has been out of town as well. Hopefully he can go with me when he gets back. Haven't heard from the gf since the morning of DoD; based on her fb she is having an amazing time. I feel my mom still pops in to check in on me, especially when I get scared and lonely. I know loss and death are something everyone goes through in their own way. My way, even as an only child is not unique by far. I did have a moment when a friend asked me if I meditated. I replied "As an only child, I think I have meditated my whole life. No one is there." I stopped myself, because there is always someone there. Or at least it makes me feel a little better to think that when I looked around and see no one is there, but I know someone is There.

LA Day of Dead weekend...

I haven't done a weekend recap in a while and since I'm in a quiet but sharing mood here you go:

Thursday I went to my homie Rueben Mendoza's Contemporary Chicano Issues class at ELAC to participate in a discussion on Blogotitlan with Cindylu and Random Hero. The students were very cool and I think they like the idea of blogging and how we as Raza are making a mark in cyberlandia. We went to eat at Ordonez after and then I went home to do some quick emails.

Later I hit the streets to check out Brooklyn n Boyle's new installation about dead soldiers. I don't agree with celebrating dead soldiers. I know its to heal the families of those who went off to kill in the name of the USofA but I can't shake the feeling that it is glorifying war and supporting our killing machine. I let Abel know this when I got there. We get along that way. After this we all rolled over to Eastside Love.

It was $5 at the door and I was ready to turn around and walk to the bar next door for a drink, cause I ain't paying $5 for bar. To my surprise the generous Rueben Mendoza paid the entry fee for 5 of us. Gracias! Once inside the El Conjunto Los Pochos was hitting the stage. It perplexed me even more to hear these guys after a $5 cover charge because on any given morning or afternoon, heck even in the evening in Boyle Heights, if you are in a decent restaurant there is usually a strolling conjunto that plays the same songs that these guys on stage were doing, and in most cases with less off key notes. I asked one of my homies what was the difference between these guys and the conjuntos I've heard at Chispa de Oro and he quickly replied, "These guys are Pochos its harder for them to hit the notes and sing in Spanish, I guess." LOL

I bailed out of there at 12:25am in order to get home to watch "Star Trek: The Next Generation." It's on at 12:30 am on Ch. 5 in case any fellow Trekies didn't know.

Friday: I got up and did some laundry, ran some errands and then met V.V in Burbank to get on our way for a night in Valley. We met up with some homies at Claim Jumper for drinks. Yeah I know but we're in the Valley what else is there? Acapulco? El Torito? Flavor and funk is in short supply out there. Anyway, its about the company not about having a watering hole with style and good drinks. We had a good time and then we left to rendevous at Pierce College for the Corn Maze. I try do this every year, it's the little hillbilly in me I suppose. We had a blast running around scarrying each other and getting lost.


After this we went back to CSUN for MEChA's Day of the Dead party which is always great. This year was no exception. Lots of people, great bands including Very Be Careful and Quinto Sol, teatro from Las Ramonas and tasty food. One side trip on campus we did was to try and 'hear' the ghost of the Asian House. Apparently it is afraid of or doesn't like Mexicans because it didn't come out while we were there, but as soon as we left Mamma M called and said it made all kinds of noise. I wouldn't come into a room if I knew Mexicans were sitting in the dark waiting for me.

Later I got a ride back with Soul Rebel Miguel because he wanted to go on a taco hunt in NoHo. I had my doubts. After driving around and watching all the trucks shut down and drive down Vineland at 1:00 am we ended up at a stand somewhere on Vineland. It was ok. Nothing memorable.

Saturday: Very simple, Lili and I picked up the Noodles and hit Monster Massive, then Deeper Moods where Noodie Suli was spinning at 2 am. It was Noodie Lana's b-day earlier in the week so we were celebrating! HAPPY BIRTHDAY LANITA! All love to my girl. MM was crazy, thanks to Reza for getting me tix ahead of time we were able to get in with little drama. It was super packed and even though we hung out in VIP getting from one VIP to another was hellish. Sometimes the crowd would just move you in another direction. Total mob rule.

The shuttle for Deeper Moods was on Santa Fe and the space was on the Boyle Hts./Vernon border. Very cool. I had heard of this place for months, so glad I got to see it in full swing. Of course Suli rocked it. We crawled out of there at sun up.

Sunday: chill out. Good food at Hecho en Mexico, thanks to Gumby for posting it on FB. Gumby was still there when I got there and he sent over some michiladas and a bucket of beer. What a great and generous guy. Thanks homes always.

Monday: came to work and right back to Los. I made a stop at the site where we scattered my mom's ashes for a quiet moment. Got a quickie car wash, got some last minute stuff at Ozzie Dots and home to get ready for my MC gig at Self Help Graphics Day of the Dead. I had to be on site by 4 pm. I got there without my calvera makeup wearing my rented Mariachi suit. My goal was to be a vampiro mariachi this year. I got my bite marks on my neck but my calvera makeup didn't imply anything about me being vampire-ish.

Lalo Alcaraz was co-MCing with me so it was sure to be a great time.
The new location, full moon and thick spirit of Eastside DoD celebration made it all magical. The bands all impressed. The Camino de Calaca Coutoure was awesome! We had anyone who wanted to strut their calaca wear walk on stage after I read their description and dedication. The big hits were Lilifor's tribute to migrant workers that had here flossing huge angel wings made of fence and barbed wire. When I read her description at the end it said "Because we didn't cross the borders, the borders crossed us!" I used that opportunity to get the audience to cheer that and boy did they! Like five times I went "We didn't cross the borders!" and they would cheer back "The Borders crossed us!!!" louder and louder, it was beautiful.
Bunny Martha was also a hit in her ensemble called "The Death of Higher Education" the scariest of all the ensembles. People really reacted to it. Education, as all Raza knows, is the only way for us to change things for the better and one of the better ways to reach our highest potential.

By the end of the night my toes were killing me. I had to wear botines that were very pointed. I now understand what women go through for fashion's sake.

And that's how I did it this DoD weekend.

So far, so fast...

Life is at this speed that makes me feel like I can split into a bunch of pieces, and that would be a good thing since I got to be doing so many things.

-DoD was great. Q n I did go to the cemetary to see grandma and grandpa. Grandma I grew up with, Grandpa died in 1945, so all I knew was the stories I heard about him from my mom and grandma. We bought them cookies, laid out my yoga mat and ate tortas, as we cleaned their tombstones and laid flowers on them. I told her stories of how strong my grandma was bing able to lift old bathtubs and how amazing her beans were. An elder came by us o visit his wife who had passed 15 years ago. He talked to us about the saint on my grandparents tombs and told us he was the Santo Ni~a de la torcha (sp?), the patron saint of Zacatecas and of miners. My grandpa was a miner! And they were both from Zacatecas! I was impressed with him. He got on his cell phone and called one of his sons telling him "Don't forget to come to the cemetary today, es el dia del panteon, Mexican style." My daughter paid close attention to him despite not really understanding him.

-Later that night we were at DoD at SHG here are some pics:


























-I've been re-working my thesis on DJ Culture of East L.A. because lately I've been having a lot of talks with different people on this subject of Chicano DJs, music, art, space and how we fit in the global DJ culture. When I have a good edited copy I'll pass it on to you if you ask.

-A couple of Saturdays ago I was quoted in Agustin Gurza's LA Times column commenting on my homeboy DJ Raul Campos or try copy and paste this:http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/la-et-culture20oct20,1,5852472.story?ctrack=1&cset=true

-It is almost the end of the semester and papers are piled up. I am confident in all my students, so its been good reading not just because they are bright, but because I gave them good ideas and fodder to fill their brains with before letting spew on the keyboard. I've had a great semester despite a rough beginning due to some health issues.

-Looking forward to two great rides this coming weekend:
http://www.midnightridazz.com/forums.php?topicId=944
and
http://www.midnightridazz.com/viewStory.php?storyId=760

I just hope my stack of papers is smaller by then.

Day of the Dead, burnout or ...

This year I'm feeling a lil burned out on the whole Day of the Dead thing.
This year I have also been witness to a couple of friends who lost family this year and all they went through including rosaries every Sunday, the few visits a week to the cemetary, the no parties- no drinking promises, the wearing of black clothes. This made grief, loss, and remembering the dead come into a new focus for me.

Last year I began to look DoD celebrations as mostly a day for local artists to sell stuff with calaveras. The year before a compa~era pulled out a 'Day of the Dead: In a Box' novelty gift she found online. It was designed by two non- Chicanas and all the pieces including tiny skulls, altar, serapes and such were made in China.

I was not raised with a lot death around me. The deaths in my family were not too close and my immediate family was never about all the rituals many other families do when death visits a loved one. We mourn, bury, miss, remember and then forget in a sense.

DoD was cool when I first started going to them at the beginning of the 1990's. I saw it as a big middle finger to Catholicism and the Western views of death. We Chicano/as were bringing up one of our ancient rituals to show everyone (including ourselves) just how complex and deep we are. I liked going to see the altars that some of the artists I read about and some that I knew would design with such detail and care.

When I finally saw what greiving and mourning looked like in a more real way, I began to question what these DoD were really about. Were they just another excuse for a party? Ain't nothing wrong with that, we need to come together and clebrate any chance we get. Were they just a chance for artists to make a lot of money selling kitschy art that wouldn't normally sell? Nothing wrong with that, artists need to make money. Yet I am feeling burned on it. I do think the soul of coming together to share, create, and grow together around an ancient system of beliefs is fading away and being replaced more with trinket collecting and sales.

I take my daughter EVERY year to DoD at SHG. This year will be no different. But this year we might just add a trip to the cemetary to see grandma before we go to SHG.