Are Friends Electric?

Gary Numan was the soundtrack to my teen angst. Along with Ultravox, Adam and the Ants, The Police and various punk rock bands I drummed along or laid underneath furniture with headphones on, eyes closed, escaping.
Today, when things, or friends break down I wish it was as easy to escape as it used to be.
Today's escapes are self exile, and I'm the broken friend.
Or am I going through another form of puberty?
I told my students today, in order to grow sometimes you need to go through some fertilizer, just like the grass. Shit makes you grow.

one cup

just a cup of ashes
just a cup of time
just a cup of memories
just a cup of mind

8 months seems so long ago
water washed hills
sun = green fields
soil wet from tears

just one cup of coffee
just one cup of lies
just one cup of forgiveness/unforgiveness
just one cup not mine

pray each day
me, mine, them, n those
healing quick
there are still mental blows

back to the path...

Revisiting my old books. "Tao Te Ching," "A Separate Reality," "My Wicked, Wicked Ways." "Emplumada," and "The Path To Love."

Looking at old ghosts between the lines. I can't even remember how I felt when I first read some of those words. I was lost many times and still am in many ways. I remember who gave me a certain book, who read to or was read a poem, who recommended, who reenacted, and why I might have returned other times. It was so long ago in such a short time.

March/April Madness

Its been a tripped out two months within and without.

Earthquakes, deaths of friend's family member, eruptions of egos and ashes, more earthquakes, polar shifts in emotional cartography, lucid dreams, found great music, possibilities never imagined, texting replacing talking, riding across town, rolling up the coast, new levels of beauty and viciousness, rewiring old friendships, erotic art that lingers, fairy dust, confessions, relinquishing, moving on, ...

I wish I had the energy to write it all out nice and neat for you to understand, but things are moving so fast these days. One day I will look back at this and remember this time. How will I feel about it? Will I laugh, cry or sigh? Regret, forgot or misunderstood it all?

To sum it all up:

These times....

It's been a crazy year so far.

Major earthquakes in Haiti, Chile and a little one this week in LA.
People are talking about the end of times.
2012 is out on DVD, apparently the end of humans will be available on Netflix

Students are waking up and protesting, yet 2,000 people protesting in suburban streets don't get the media's attention until cops push and are pushed back.
So who knows how many other protests are going on that aren't reported because they were peaceful and didn't push back.

If we listen, we can hear the grumbling
If we stop and smell the air, the hunger is rising
If we open our eyes, the light is dim at the end of the tunnel

On the flip side people are reaching
Seeking out new forms and systems to replace this crumbling joke
These thoughts will be actions, words, intentions, and yes hope, but one based on the real, not the kind funded by the same corporate devils who created it and benefit from it.
------------

I learned this week to relinquish when I give something away or lose it.
Many times we give something up but we don't relinquish it. We hold on. Psychically, in memories, in hope.
When we relinquish we really let it go.

Wolf explained it like this: Imagine I gave you a sacred object that had been in my family for generations. I wanted you to have it because we had a good moment. Now I see you one day going into the pawn shop with the necklace. You come out with money and no necklace. If I really gave it to you, I shouldn't care what you did with it. I relinquished it. I don't hold it in any way with me. Relinquishing is tough to swallow but that is what giving and losing is.

A song of reflection and redemption...just wandering/wondering

"The Wanderer" by U2 and Johnny Cash, when I first heard it I replayed it at least 3 times.

This is from the Tao Te Ching on Wandering:

What is the difference between assent and denial?
What is the difference between beautiful and ugly?
What is the difference between fearsome and afraid?

The people are merry as if at a magnificent party
Or playing in the park at springtime,
But I am tranquil and wandering,
Like a newborn before it learns to smile,
Alone, with no true home.

The people have enough and to spare,
Where I have nothing,
And my heart is foolish,
Muddled and cloudy.

The people are bright and certain,
Where I am dim and confused;
The people are clever and wise,
Where I am dull and ignorant;
Aimless as a wave drifting over the sea,
Attached to nothing.

The people are busy with purpose,
Where I am impractical and rough;
I do not share the peoples' cares
But I am fed at nature's breast.

Chief Seattle's Response

"The Earth does not belong to man, man belongs to the Earth."

On Earth Day remember, live today for the 7th generation of tomorrow.

read for 30 then for 1, now for all

1)

Maybe if we could live in another place
surrounded by everything new
where no one knew who we were before
or where we came from
If we could appear in this place
free of all the scents, mental contusions and scars of the past
Maybe it could happen the way we imagine it for us

2)

we are done
when we are done

with unresolved issues
with holding in words
wishing we can say them
better than the way we hear them in our head

we are done
when we are done

when the good memories fade away
or when the bad memories out number the good
or when the good out number the bad we are done being mad
when we are done we can start the new
and then be done with that

The April Air...

Springing to new life, cleaning, pollen, dust, last year's cob webs.
Looked back at my blog and March - April are full of ups and downs for me.
Spring Break is fun.
As I let go of the old and get ready for the new its good that thru this blog I can see I will be alright.


I do get into my moods as I move forward, like taking a scab off you know fresh skin is there, but it still stings a little to let go. This is one of my favorite Bowie songs. I want to feel this again.


I know with that level of high you risk feeling opposite end of that emotional spectrum when it's time to move on. But to have tasted, been there and felt that much is what it is all about.

Off to Vegas now to shake it up, cut some scabs, clean out old cob webs, gamble, laugh, eat, drink and be in adult Disneyland with good peeps. If you dare come and meet up with us, we got room.

Trying to catch up...

Its been whirlwind like in Pachucoville, the 3 D version, and have missed blogging, missed some important events, had some great moments and of course fun.

I miss blogging only in so far as writing. I like it. I know I am not the best, or even good by some standards, but it is a form of meditation for me. Carlos Castaneda wrote in one of his books about how we all need to recapitulate or remember our life day by day to see ourselves and understand how we interact with the world. This is to help us reach our highest potential. He recommended we do this in an enclosed space where our energy would not go out too far and outside energies could not swoop in on us and cause us harm in our open state. I don't know how this blogging affects my energy but so far, so good.

Last Friday I drove to work because we missed the late train. At 4:30 pm I got the first call letting me know about the Metrolink crash. It was followed by several text messages hoping I was OK. Thanks to my peeps for the love and care. I was not and would not have been on that train. We did lose a CSUN student and two staff members were banged up. Our department is raising money for her funeral costs.

Later that night we went salsa dancing. I felt a little weird about it because I really thought about what had happened, but at the same time we need to celebrate and enjoy the time we have.

The next day was a full schedule: Harry Gamboa Jr. was having an art opening at Patricia Correia; our last chance to catch Raul Campos at Moonshadows before the weather gets too cold to go to Malibu, and the Soul Rebel Radio fundraiser.

The best part of Saturday was getting to mix for 4 hours at home, something I haven't been able to do since the Featuring The Lights and Sounds show started. On another musical tip, another highlight, was that I took my djembe to the Soul Rebel Radio fundraiser and participated in the jam session which featured Will Dog of Ozomatli on bass. I played along for two hours and I didn't even feel it. It was so good.

Sunday we did breakfast with my parents at my new favorite spot Casa de Moles La Tia. They are in the old Tamales Lilliana's space on Chavez east of Ford. I kept my eye on them, but never saw a crowd in there so I figured it might not be that good. Then I read this post and Adrian of G727 wanted to go there after a meeting we had, and it was the BOMB! To be honest I went three times in one week!


-pictured is the chilaquiles plates and the enfrijoladas plate.

umm....

Lots in my head. The DJ project "Featuring the Lights and Sounds..." is doing great and picking up momentum as more people 'get' what we are doing. Next week we kick off our East LA DJ PM Panels, which will be panels of DJs and promoters that were a part of the past, present and future of the DJ scene from the Eastside. The opening night was muy cool.

Enjoyed the concerts I listed below. Sean Kuti was the best, such a great LA night full of color and funk; my homegirl Nina Lares jazzed it smooth in the Pasadena sun, got there in time to hear the house classic 'Days Like This' by Sean Escoffrey; of course Very Be Careful was the bomb, but dancing barefoot in the grass with my girl made it even more especial; The Hollywood Bowl always delivers a great show, Los Amigos Invisibles are my favorite live band. They play music like DJs would, non stop beats, breaks, samples of classics and back into a groove.

Hanging with bloggers at the monthly meeting has made me a little... ummm... more cautious of what I write, and I don't like it. When I started this I wasn't a big blog reader. I didn't know all the players and the rules. I just wanted to spit out my spew not caring or knowing if anyone was even going to read it. Sure I invite my friends to read, but since learning more about blogztlan I now know that I am muy revealing! Many bloggers work hard to keep their anonymity so they can say more, or so they don't say less. My homie R... oooopps Kualyque wrote this very cool blog about what he writes about and included some stuff about anonymity. It made me think more about what I write.

-Whine? YES I do. I need to let it out somehow/somewhere. Didn't Sienfeld make millions just whining?

-'Boo hoo' about my bike's flat tire? YES I did! It sucked!!! Although I saw the karmic connection and learned from it, I think.

-Tell you where to go get this or that? YES! But I don't tell all my secret spots, the lines are long enough.

One thing I know I can improve is having more pics. I don't have a camera other than the one in my phone. The ones above are copies from my girl's camera.

Here is a pic from my phone of what I ate today:

It's left overs from Dim Sum on Sunday morning. I won't tell you where I went, but it is peanut chicken, Chinese broccoli with oyster sauce, home made steamed rice (from last week) and some lime juice. Making my mouth water!

I added a new blog to my 'Sites to Visit' at the bottom of this, it's my homie's Raul Campos' blog. Pinche cool interview with Moby. Check it.

I'm sticking to sticking my neck out and saying what's in my head not caring what others may think. If that's not cool, well I guess I'm a nerd, but I can't be a nerd cuz nerds are now the cool kids and I can't be cool if I take a stand, can I?

Fuck it. It's my world. You are just visiting Pachucoville. You don't like it? Me vale. Sal te guey. Larrrrrgate.

As if...

To be or thought they'd be...

Lately I've been running across a similar question. It started with the LACMA "Phantom Sightings" discussions and today popped on my screen here.

It has to do with calling people Chicano or Latino or Raza whether or not they self identify with any of those terms.

For example:
-Artist 'A' is in an art show percieved to be a Chicano art show, yet artist 'A' doesnt' identify himself as a Chicano.

-Actor 'A' has a last name that is Latino, and they look Latino, despite the constant hair dye to look blonde. Some folks want her to call herself Latino. She doesn't.

-Artist 'B' looks Chicano, grew up in a Chicano neighborhood, talks like a Chicano, does art that reflects Chicano icons and roots, but he doesn't want his art to be called Chicano art.

-Actor 'B' was born in Spain or France, has a 'typical' Latino last name and wants to be called Latino to make himself more marketable to the US Latino movie-going hoardes. Some agree he is Latino, others say he's European.

The questions are:
Why do we need to call people out to claim Chicano or Latino if they don't want to? Do we need them on our side so badly?
Is it because they are 'successful' or in the spotlight that we want them to represent us? Even though they don't want to represent us?
Isn't claiming who you are and what you want to be identified as a basic right? Is this the basis of Self Determination?
hmmmm......

LACMA's Phantom Sightings pt. 2

As you can read below I was at the April 2nd opening night of Phantom Sightings: Art After The Chicano Movement. I was also at the Saturday April 5th symposium titled Phantom Sites: Rethinking Identity and Place in Contemporary Art. I returned last Friday to check out the show at a casual pace and I have tried to read all the reviews, about the show which have been compiled by Harry Gamboa Jr.

A couple of issues that keep arising are the subtitle: Art after the Chicano Movement, and thus 'What then is Chicano Art?'

Some of the reviews have been gentle, others searing with their words, not about the art per se, but the spirit and thus the curatorial framework which aims to present art by Chicanos who don't necessarily see themselves as Chicano. This leads to a lot of questions as to why then even call it Chicano art?

In discussions at the symposium, about the symposium and in the hallways of the collective mental barrio, other questions or snipes have emerged such as: 'After the Chicano Movement? I didn't know it was over?' or 'What is this talk about post-Chicano, or post-race? Sounds like an Obama campaign tactic on the loose.' (I like that one in particular.)

I asked one of the panelists, after the symposium, out on the lawn, "Why did they think the curators left out any art that referenced the Zapatistas or indigenismo? Surely these two have influenced a lot of art and artists 'after the movement.' "

They claimed, without a pause, that it was not conceptual art and that it was claiming a lineage. (I'm using 'they' to hide their identity. They are well versed in the art world, I respect them, they were on the panel, I know they weren't one of the curators, but their opinion still matters.)

I replied with, "To be born in Boyle Heights, and to never have spent a moment in the Lancandon jungle, but still claim to support and be inspired by the lives of the Zapatistas is totally conceptual. As far as lineage, are you saying that an indigenous lineage, which has its own language, cosmology and theories behind it, isn't a valid lineage for this show? Does art have to follow a German abstract, plastic based, Dadist lineage to be considered?"

They couldn't say anything to that. I still want that answered from someone, por favor.

Overall I believe that this is another example of the institutionalization of Chicanos. Chicana/o Studies Depts. have become fairly institutionalized, concerning themselves too much with tenure, theories, funding and not offending the others. Many departments have sheepishly agreed or initiated changing the name to Latino Studies or falling under the Ethnic Studies umbrella. I know I am at the Chicana/o bubble that is CSUN, but wasn't it the original goal of all these programs and centers to become their own single standing full blown department like we have at CSUN? And not to cave in and become part of the system while settling for less?

We are part of the system at CSUN too, its not liberated Aztlan over there. We recognize there are students and faculty that would like to move into a post-Chicano world, but we ask "Have the issues that forced us to take a stand 30 plus years ago been eliminated? Have we stopped dropping out of sub par schools? Have we stopped being forced into a life and death in a military fighting an unjust war? Are our people who are crossing the border being treated like humans? Just because Raza are the majority in the LAPD, are we being treated any better? Does our brown mayor really work for us, or for the big money in the city?" How can we be post-Chicano or post-Race if the problems and issues are still with us and in some cases stronger and worse today than before?

I think our MFAs, BAs, MAs and PhDs are blinding us and making us think that since me and mine got ours it must be all good in the 'hood. This art show is in a sense a result of the success of Chicana/o Studies. We got a lot of peeps into college and got them degrees, we just didn't think it would look like this.

At the symposium one of the panelists said "This art is for people that go to galleries and get all the references." OK then. So this art is geared to an art educated audience? Fine.

When I told my students they could get extra credit for going to this show I told them that they would see stuff that would make them think "That is considered art?"

I told them (they are all writing students) "When you think that, look for the description. It will be a paragraph somewhere near the piece. Try to read it. I know it may be confusing. It was written for curators and people who study art. That paragraph makes it art. If you can learn to write so only a few educated people will understand you, then you can make a lot of money putting stuff up in galleries that most people will go: 'That is considered art?'"

I'm sorry if that offends anyone.

In my first Chicano Studies class at CSUN I had Dr. Rudy Acu~a as my first teacher, my first day of school. He said that first day, "We are here to learn. We are here to learn to love to learn. We are here to learn not only what they want us to learn, but as Chicanos we have to learn about ourselves and our history. Once we learn everything we can, we need to be able to go back to our grandmother, who crossed the border to have your mom or dad be born here, and be able to explain to her what you learned and why it is important. If you can't explain what you know to your grandma, or your community, and have her or them understand its importance, then you really didn't learn anything important." I take that to the heart.

On Sunday May 4th Chicano artist Harry Gamboa Jr. and Sandra de la Loza will have a conversation about this much discussed show at LACMA's Brown auditorium. I can't wait to hear what he has to say about this show which features him so prominently. I know he won't let us down. He won't let us keep trying to make phantoms of ourselves.

__________________________________

Post Script:

Just got this email about this event featuring 2 of the curators of the show. This should be an informative evening that settles a lot of questions.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008 7:00 pm

Please join us for a special LECTURE at the Hammer
Curating Race: A Conversation on Curating Ethnically Specific Exhibitions

Moderated by Chon Noriega, Director of the CSRC, Professor, UCLA Dept.
of Film, Television, and Digital Media; and Adjunct Curator at the Los
Angeles County Museum of Art (LACMA) on the occasion of One Way or
Another: Asian American Art Now at the Japanese American National Museum
(JANM) and Phantom Sightings: Art after the Chicano Movement (LACMA).

With Malik Gaines, Independent writer and performer; adjunct curator at
LA ART; Rita Gonzalez, assistant curator, Special Exhibitions, LACMA;
and Karin Higa, adjunct senior curator at Art, JANM.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008 7:00 pm

Hammer Museum
10899 Wilshire Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90024

(Located at the northeast corner of Westwood and Wilshire Blvds. in
Westwood Village, 3 blks. east of the 405 freeway’s Wilshire Blvd. exit.
Parking available for $3 under the museum for the first 3 hours).

This lecture is free and open to the public.

For more information: www.hammer.ucla.edu
or (310) 443-7000

Cesar E. Chavez Day

I have a few questions/issues regarding why Chavez is/was so venerated in the culture.

As a child, my dad took me to strike rallies where Chavez spoke and I felt how much people liked him. When I was in college I went to his funeral. In graduate school I began to question. Here are some thoughts:

Yes the corporate owned media and 'the man' would rather give a person using peaceful non-violence methods rather than self defense for self determination, but why did everyone else join in?

In that era, the late 1960's-early 1970's, EVERYONE was ready for a revolution. The civil rights movement fueled a conversation that had all colors, and most classes, demanding and willing to put their lives on the line for a plethora of issues: racial, sexual, class, the end to the Vietnam war, better education, police abuse, abortion rights, animal rights and the environment (yes even back then). Yet many chose to make sure that farm workers got better pay and treatment. Yes, they were being abused and exploited and deserved better, but in that era of cultural, social and political changes, asking for a raise and better treatment, just seems a tad myopic.

It seems like many of us chose to look out for a small minority of the population instead of fighting for the majority who lived in the city, were in screwed up schools, were being beaten by police, being sent off to war, discriminated against in jobs because of their gender or race, and some were even fighting over land. The American Indian Movement, Reis Tijerina's Allianza de Pueblos, and to a degree Corky Gonzalez's Crusade for Justice were fighting over land use/rights issues (and many other related issues) that cut to the core of many of the problems in the US.

Were we duped into fighting an easier battle and giving up the war? Chavez was an inspirational speaker, in an era of inspirational speakers. Why was his voice amplified the most by the media and then us? Was it easier to sit and fast than to pick up a gun for A.I.M, the Black Panthers, the Brown Berets, or any other group at the time? Did Chavez believe in Aztlan? Did he feel bad when he called the migra on strike breakers?

I know as a leader of a union Chavez had to be focused on his cause. Yet, when the spotlight was on him did he acknowledge and support the other causes and fights for justice going on at the time?

Today we are again being led to march and fight for a minority in the population_____________. Yes they need us to fight for them, but imagine if we could get everyone to march and speak out on the issues that affect the majority of us, such as____________? (Fill in your choices)

I'm glad we have a Chavez Day. He was positive and worked in and for light. His light touched and ignited other lights who went on to fight in other fronts. I await other days for other warriors that lived, fought and died for a cause that served others.

Whys?

I guess I'm riding a navel gazing wave. Thoughts linger and make me wonder. Some are taboo topics that many don't like to think about, some are oddball, some just lame.

- Why do we often mourn the pregnancy of a young woman of under 18, but if she miscarries, we also mourn that? How can one day we be sad that 'her life will be hard,' then if she doesn't carry til term, we are sad again? Isn't it a second chance?

- How can we support our friends after a break up with an abuser, but be happy for them when they return to him/her saying he/she has changed after only a month or two apart?

- Does osmosis between people exist? Like: Does hanging out with dumb (or smart) people make you dumb (or smart)?

- When Christians die, do they lay in their grave until Judgment Day OR do they automatically go to Heaven?

- What is the perfect Valentine's?

- Who really is The MAN and is he with The WOMAN? What is she in charge of?

- What degree of separation are kissing cousins ok? 2nd cousins? 3rd?

- Is it incest if you 'learn' (no penetration) about anatomy from your brother or sister? Or is it just show and tell? BTW I'm an only child. I'm just saying.

- Can we all develop psychic abilities with practice? Isn't the brain a muscle, if we just work it out...

- Can we really forgive and forget or do we just play nice?

- Is it weird when your ex stays friends with the people you introduced her/him to or is it just that you have really cool friends that are more fun than her's/his? OR is it that they just want to keep some connection to you?

- Are those friends who keep talking to your exes, really YOUR friends?

- When will the writer's strike really end?

- Is everyone as excited about LOST as I am?


Yes it's one of those days....

MLK day

If MLK's dream were alive or had come to be, would we be at war?
... would we have free health care?
... would the Jenna Six not exist?
... would we have a national Malcolm X day too?
... would Leonard Peltier and Mumia Abu Jamal be free?
... would schools be free all the way to Phd.?
... would we have ever have had a Bush in office?
... would Oprah have Latino/as on her show?
... would black people have afros? ('cause the ones I see on TV don't)
... would Tupac and Biggie been killed?
... would we have ever needed hip hop?
... would humans be labeled illegal?
I hope you had the day off to think about these things and more...

Pessimistic Optimist

I consider myself a pessimist, or jaded, but I have hope.

I believe we will hit a major recession this year that will change a lot of the ways we do things around here. But this will be a good thing.

I believe it will get very bad, before it gets very good.

Maybe because I am also a procrastinator and do good under pressure, I think we collectively need the s*&% to hit the fan for us to wake up out of our shopping, Brittany and Paris induced haze and do something to heal the world.

T.M.

Many years ago, after I devoured most of Carlos Castaneda's books, went through the Tao Te Ching, various Buddhist writings, attempts at meditation, consumed various psychotropic gifts of the gods -among other safe and not so safe journey's to find the meaning of life, I still feel like a piece of pollen flying on the body of a bee, falling on a flower or two only to be swept up again on another journey.

At first I learned the path to Nirvana was a solo journey that required me to leave this world and all its trappings behind.
I also learned I needed to dream my way out of here by creating a dream double and learning to will myself into the various layers of reality.
These were both 'small vehicle' views of the purpose of life. Save your ass, leave the rest behind.

Next I learned I needed to share knowledge and experiences, connect and reflect, to be able to purify myself and the world of its problems in my miniscule way. I had to pick my piece of the rock and chip away at it. Eventually all of us who are chipping away would make a break through to the other side and help lead others to Nirvana.
This was the 'large vehicle' view of the purpose of life. Helping others will help you, for you are the others as much as you are you.

The answer of course is always somewhere in the middle.

It is never easy to find that middle ground.

My homeboy and fellow traveler, Eli Star, was a DJ who I admired for his spirituall grounding and mixing of dope ass tripped out music. I took him up to the mountains one time to share in a sacred sweat ceremony. As I have learned, the sweat makes us one, we return to the Earth womb, and we are all united. At the same time we are there to deal with our own demons and pains and let them out. Also we are there to give thanks and praise for all the gifts we have. Helping/celebrating each other through songs, the drums, 'ah hos' and medicine we helped/healed each other and ourselves. At the time I actually wasn't as clear about the purpose of the sweat as I am now. I couldn't have written the above back then. I took Eli up there because at the time he was about the small vehicle and I wanted to show him the big vehicle. We would argue about activism and aestheticism. I would say "We need to change the world." He would say "We need to leave the world." I hope we have come a long way from there.

I thought of him recently because times are looking like we need to really just save ourselves. In a head stand earlier, I was imagining lifting off. I thought about my dream practices and I heard another one of my secret master's voice, "Learn to move alone."

I am surrounded by good people. I love and cherish them. They are also looking for that door to the other side. I feel I need to practice with them whatever they feel good about practicing. At the same time I don't want to teach this, I don't know what I am really doing, so how can I teach? We can get caught up in ritual and forget the reasons we do what we do.

Awareness, questions, mental strectching is happening all around us. The middle road is getting clearer. Maybe a little ride in the big vehicle and a lil ride in the little vehicle will get us/me there.

Movie directorDavid Lynch has been promoting Transcendental Meditation. He even has a Myspace for it. I like what it says, but unfortunately all I have found ends with a big ole price tag. ?!?!? Anyone got the hook up?

Space the final frontier...

The California Science Center had the exhibit 'The Science of Star Wars.'
Sorry, today was the last day.
I think I've mentioned my love for Sci-fi in other posts. I'm not a big big fan, no full on costumes in my closet. I have just one TNG Federation shirt and a pair of Vulcan ears.

Sadly I didn't understand Star Trek until I was in community college. As a young adult at LACC seeing and speaking with Africans from Africa, multilingual Europeans, Asians from countries I had never heard of, and people of the Middle East (none of whom thought the same on any issue) I felt like everyday at school I was going where few Chicanos had boldly gone before. I would record Star Trek repeats on Ch. 13 at 11pm for as long as they aired them, and I finally could follow along the issues of race, peace, tolerance, hope, honor, determination, sacrifice, the prime directive, warp drive, light years, and how green alien women can be hot. Star Trek, even though the Raza characters were few and far between, was filled with a promise that we could all get along and could one day live without money, greed, need or racism, at least on Earth.

A few years ago there were a few docs on Star Trek fandom and how most of the peeps are super intelligent and have kick ass science jobs or creative jobs or are the nicest peeps and they credit Star Trek for giving them the dream. It made me proud to be a Trekkie and a sci-fi fan. I could never laugh at anyone for their following the concepts of Star Trek or of the Jedi, like I would never laugh at someone following Shaolin kung fu. Both are seeking to reach into the human and bring out the exceptional, the best within.

I hope my Q gets the sci-fi bug. I have her watch the videos and films from the Sci fi cannon with me and we talk about how the future might look with flying cars, transporters, space travel, new beings and how we need to be open and ready for this always. So today we went to see the connects between what Lucas dreamt of in the mid 1970's and how we have been trying to match it with hard science. We still have a long way to go on the science end, but what was still awesome was seeing young and old living in the openess of possibility and remembering old friends and heroes. Many had a sparkle in their eyes as they viewed a costume, a prop, a model of a spaceship, or a robot. I got choked up watching a 6ft tall goth boy with spiked purple hair stand between a Jedi, and a Stormtrooper for a pic. His cold, pale demeanor dissolved as he stood there nervously chuckling and he became that kid with big dreams of acceptance of difference who probably got picked on until he got to be 6ft tall. I overheard an Asian family looking at the interrogator droid from Episode IV. The young son said "I don't remember this." His mom quickly replied, "When they had Princess Lea captive, before Han Solo and Luke rescued her." The boy jumped slighty "I remember!" His mom was very cool at that moment for him and me.

Granted scientifically we probably do have all the nasty things that kill ready. We still need to work on the good stuff. But what Star Wars and Star Trek have done to many of us is more valuable than any gadget, it is the hope of a better future filled with infinite diversity, in infinite combinations, it is the love to explore further outward (while honoring the prime directive) and inward to find the Jedi in all of us.
May The Force Be With You!!!!
Live Long and Prosper.

Emotional Reflux

The other day I learned how/why my parents got married. It was not good. Equal parts: grand ma’s misunderstanding, brother’s exaggeration and a whole mess of complacency on both the future ma and pa.

I never have seen them hug and kiss. Nor look at each other with desire or pride. Never heard one compliment the other. Never seen a random act of kind love. Never have seen a couple in love.

Except on TV and films and there is so much drama there, you know.

“I wanted to run away. If there was some family to go to, I would have. I didn’t love him, I just liked him. I kind of felt sad for him. Always talking about his hometown and how he missed it.”

Drama, but no love.

I admire resiliency, strength, conviction, faith, endurance, consistency, dependability, responsibility, loyalty, self-sacrifice, and positivity.

I’ve seen that.

I’ve also seen: fear, jealousy, greed, selfishness, non-communication, aggression, passive aggression, resignment, insecurity, absence, stagnation, complacency, loss of hope, pettiness, and stubbornness.

So it is, por vida.

Friends have said we can change or act in the opposite of what we have seen or learned. But what do we do with the teachers? Do we continue to witness and absorb? Do we alter the relationship? How much?

Over many fights, disconnects, re-connects and drama, I now recognize some of my bad habits and have not acted when they come around and want me to scratch the itch. That is different. How long and how many mistakes must I make before I recognize all my bad habits and begin to not do them any more? I often feel like Heathcliff who thought he did everything he could, everything he should, but time, place, and old scars get in the way. Will I be like Heathcliff waiting on the moors since hindsight is usually 20/20.

One friend just told me to “Stop and do not get involved with anyone, anymore, ever again.”

That would be different.